Digital Polyphony

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2014 in Film: Worst/Dissapointing

Posted on December 17, 2014 at 4:00 AM


2014 in Film: Worst & Dissapointing

Now as always, I should point out that I don't actively seek out bad movies. I'm not going to go see an Adam Sandler flick or some VOD tripe that doesn't interest me. I can't see everything already, why would I want to see Left Behind or Saving Christmas?


Annabelle: Perhaps it was simply done and over with, but taking the parts of The Conjuring about a possessed doll and doing a feature on it should have been a no-brainer. However, it ended up a rather unscary, too-calculated and predictable horror flick that didn't work on its own concept. There is one good shot in the entire movie, and this spinoff pretty much shows the Annabelle segments in The Conjuring were all that was really needed.

Godzilla: Borderline worst, but I can't deny there is a good bit of visual pleasure happening in this movie. Bad pacing, dialogue, characters and limited focus on the strength of the movie sets it back tremendously. The excuse "all the other Godzilla movies had poor human characters too" is pretty nonsensical here. It's 2014. If you're going to focus on the humans in a Godzilla movie rather than the actual monsters, you better damn well make sure they're well written and well acted. Otherwise who cares?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: This is not a good movie. Like Godzilla, it's borderline the worst of the year. Unfortunatly, it also has some great action keeping it from being outright awful, including one of the best action sequences of the year utterly wasted in a movie full of plot holes and horrible characters. A simple concept redone as a remake for the 21st century tends to do: bloated beyond belief with absolutely no heart.

A Million Ways to Die in the West: Whatever charm Seth McFarlane had with Ted is lost in this crude and overall mean-spirited movie that is rare on laughs and rarer on originality. On board for a comedy western, a rarity these days, I soon decided to jump off the wagon in more ways than one as McFarlane's gags get old real quick.

Amazing Spider-Man 2: The more I sit and think of this sequel to an already problematic Smazing Spider-Man franchise, the more I dislike it. I was willing to give the sequel a chance. It had things happening I liked, notably the casting, but we end up with a film that feels as though it doesn't have a center. It wants to do everything but ends up doing nothing particularly well, and the focus on the "love story" comes across as cheap and not entirely worked out on the script-level.

Horns: Maybe. There's enough here to be interesting, certainly, but Horns really mishandles the storytelling, with twists coming too late, a heavy, stilted third act and a sense of "so...what was that all about?" It starts incredibly well and slowly spirals out of control, though to be honest I still enjoyd Daniel Radcliffe quite a lot in this one.


Transcendence: A great cast, working with some solid sci-fi elements, doesn't make a good story - this is putting the cart before the horse if there ever was one. There's a lack of vision in Trascendence, not to mention a plot that's worth your time. Wasted talent across the board in a completely uninspired and forgettable movie. Trascendence is bad in every single conceivable way.

Life After Beth: More or less un-fucking-watchable, Life After Beth might have made a better 15 minute short than a friggin feature-length movie. After a while, it has nothing left to say or do that keeps the movie moving forward and it becomes utterly dull before the first act is even over.

Tammy: Jesus. I knew going in that it didn't look good, but I figured Melissa McCarthy would at least pull me through. Then I started to realize something: I haven't really watched a movie where she is the lead and the only lead in the thing. Usually she shares it, and I'm starting to see why: a lot of one-note jokes and low-brow humor combined with going to the same schtick for an hour and a half.

I, Frankenstein: I like horror stuff so I gave it a shot. I gave it one shot. Then I wish I shot myself. Some movies can play to the strenghts of being a cheesy b-movie, but I, Frankenstein seems to not realize that's what it is - overly earnest and with a particularly bad performance by Eckhart.

The Legend of Hercules/Pompei: These two get thrown together simply because I feel the same for both - it's essentially a made for TV movie from the 90s only with a big budget. Lacking any compelling lead and the directors think that bigger special effects will make up for everything. You know what? Throw Dracula Untold on here too. It's not quite as bad, but it's the same style.

Pretty Much What I Expected:

Not great movies I figured to be not great before even seeing them.

Sin CIty: A Dame to Kill For: As someone who only found the first Sin City "ok," the fact that the sequel wasn't all that great didn't come as any surprise. A bloated, messy and just pretty dull flick that has one good performance. The first came at the right place and right time to catch imaginations, but today it's just a bore.

Transformers: Age of Extinction: Yes, it's better than pretty much any Transformers movies, but damnit is it still an overlong and bloated movie that just gets lost in the matrix of flashy robots and loud noises.

Into the Woods: I've made it clear my fickleness about musicals. I'm picky about adaptations, I'm picky about the style of singing and songs and I'm picky about originality vs unoriginality in stage to screen adaptation. I knew going in that Into the Woods would have these issues and it's exactly the kind of musical I'm just not all that into. At least it looks pretty.

Also, not a single memorable song in the thing because a lot of the singing is really talk-singing which is the worst thing I can think of to do in a musical.

Winter's Tale: How was it about as bad as I expecte?. Because it was a vanity project for Akiva Goldsman, an already medicore screenwriter who has convinced people he's a "big name" and now he wants to play director. He played, it failed.

Nypmphomaniac: Like most Lars von Trier movies, it's hard to say whether or not we are to like or dislike it. You kind of just take it in and let it wash over you so in that respect, this movie is exactly what I expected a Lars von Trier movie about lots of sex to be and, like most of his other films, I'll probably foget it about in about a year and never watch it again.

Bonus: Movie You Probably Forgot Existed:

Men Women and Children: What the hell, Jason Reitman? A downward slide since Young Adult. I mean, we need to seriously have a talk about the guy that did three fantastic movies then dropped like a rock. Labor Day was barely watchable and this was a misfire from the get go (spoiler...I have no reason to care about any of these people).


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